Breakup pattern

Two months later, I have engaged with S in both social and intimate manner, I cannot hold back my emotions over a casual dinner in a hotel lounge. I burst out whether he was wanting to be more serious about us, he expressed himself politely that "He wanted to stay casual. He was sad because we will have to stop communicating for a while and hope we can be good friends in the future."

I realised that due to my affectionate character, I would into (the fascinated version) of a new guy I just met. We go on dates. We hang out. We enjoy intimate activities. Then I will innocently fall into love (lust).

In my self-pity days, I signed up a guide written by a relationship coach to sooth my soul. Hopefully I will do things differently next time I meet anther decent guy

Before moving to Belgium in 2009, I haven't completely recovered from anxiety as diagnosed in 2007, which I thought I was already fine.

In 2010, I quitted my Citibank job because I had to be temporary our of work to deal with my personal issue, i.e. Anxiety. Looking back I should have stayed at work like Ewoud and dealt with it at the same time as it was a good banking job.

In 2011, I joined Citibank but resigned again because I didn't like it.

In 2013, I finally worked for jpm having decided to quite my secure job at PwC. But I was sacked a month later.

I cried and I get depressed but I always asked what the lesson was behind. There must be a reason I have to go through such a difficult phase of my life.

I don't know what it is but today I start counting blessings done these years. Like at least I am a happier and more optimistic person now. I start dating properly.

I've stumbled it through. I know I can do it.

Happy Valentine's 2011!

Recently I am getting a bit pushy on myself. First I push myself to meet new people for like-minded ones. Second, I push myself a bit hard to find a boyfriend. Lastly, I always distract myself from job hunting. While there I can see chances for everything, many of which are just like pass-bys. I wonder why I am so pushy on myself and what the matter is.

Remember six months ago when I was in Belgium, I told myself to find an easy job and enjoy life. When I was back, I was overwhelmed by people’s realistic view on life and overly serious or skeptical about everything as well as some others’ negativity!

There is nothing that you can rush in life. Just always remind yourself that things need to build up over time and which normal. Otherwise think about the stories of using the old-fashioned printing machine in Merrill Lynch and carry filing job duties in PwC.

Don’t get too stressed or you get depressed. Try to portray a beautiful future, not a demanding one, like two professional earning millions per year with a cottage, Mercedes Benz plus a house with a pool and front yard…. In hk! But a nice family (husband), kids, cozy flat with greenery around and a stable job at the end living lovingly together with great couples to hang out.

à Try to stay positive as often as you can ß This should the goal of 2011!

From John

''Sometimes things can get difficult. There are bumps in the road of life whether it be one conversation, a year long trip, or a bad day. Its always good to remember through every bad, sad, or stressful situation there was a point and or reason in which you are meant to learn and grow from as an individual. Goodnight world.''

Her influences

A few days ago before the lunar new year, I met up with my long missed secondary class teacher now being a friend of mine. Looking backward to connect the dots, I now can see her influences on me which seems to be too realistic to me. First I would like to talk about her personality. She is a of demanding, critical and realistic, a bit too realistic!

And Apple just commented that I am lack of the ability to enjoy the presence and use my guts and intuition to follow my heard and logic to live my life. I think it’s time to do a little reflection and take charge of my personal life! Well a balance is also essential too! What matters to me and what doesn’t… Take life less seriously and have fun with it 

Ricky's inspiration

Today while I am still working, I take the chance taking a deep look at Ricky Martin. I saw his interview on youtube about his recent coming out which was such an amazing beautiful thing for him and his potential life partner as well as his boys.

I talked to Jessica just a few days ago and I was so happy and felt assured that I have opened up a lot! Now in my head, I have an exact portrayal of my role models in life – John Barrowman, Ricky Martin, John Smith and Adam Cummings. I am sure they started with nothing but a clear direction of what they want in life. Learn from the past, let go, go for it until you finally achieve it. I am pretty sure that they all started with nothing, then building their blocks and become what they mean successful life. Great job, loving relationship which they are proud of and probable getting married at some point.

I know that I am in the rather beginning in my whole life. Just finished school and came out to my friends (but not yet family). Yet, I know what I want ultimately and I want to work on it. And lastly, believe your instincts and rational mind, do whatever you want – it can be wrong but it neither justify my being foolish, and take life less serious to have fun with it!

Love

I came across the video from John and he and his partner really did a great job filming a nice and sweet clip during their road trip to the mountains. They are from U.S.. They both are really caring and lovely people good to be friends too.

Yesterday I met this Adam too. He is from the U.S.. We had a short but great chat, exchanged photos and hopefully I will see him and speak again. He is until now the second or third guy I came across who speaks normally, if not too weird! There are a lot of things that I want to know about him.

Talking about different experiences, I would I am blessed to have experienced much. Talking about love, I am a baby!!!